clicking and whirring
there's a point of simplicity. lately it's becoming more and more of a draw as i reckon with how inept i am at living. to reduce yourself to base pleasures, not in sensuality but of remembrance; the joy and wonder fostered as a child. to remember the things you enjoy. to have set limits, now enforced by yourself. i think that's why i like the draw of single use objects, or spaces. or the delight of the physical. having the immediate awareness when confronting a tangible object breaks down the complexity. // as i find myself breaking down over the years and having to truly explore and reckon with how insights that came to me and wasn't really though about again get more and more real and urgent,,, the initial draw of the internet gets illuminated. that it was an epistemological dream. that i held this array, this dimension of words and bridges and connections. pure wonder at finding things; things that other people know more of, that people are passionate about and thus can tell me. i hate the meshing of purposes. sym said humans are seduced by the allure of beings that were made with a purpose, that because we see things as chaos that it manifests in our minds as inescapable. that order is submitting to the chaos and embracing it. ok well the gardeners said that not him. whatever, i'm on tangents again. just,, i was thinking that what draws me to the old internet/web was because digital was just the physical, translated. It was shadows, it was dimensionality, it was the feeling of a button. perhaps due to limited colours and what not but, the outlines, the weight of the design. and now software wants to be separated from its ccounterpart. it wants to be isolated and seen as something above and higher and not in conjunction with and... dependent on hardware. that hardware is seen as this fickle thing that exists not for durability or for the containment of the intangible while we rest but as,,, there. something you subsist on but not enjoy. it's like now, physical technology is just created so as to propel escapism to be desired even more. i know innovation is primarily for monetary gains, at least for those that invested. i know everything gets sacrificed for the ludicrous value system. you worship at the temple of the blood drenched capital. so as things get harder to afford you . ah fuck i lost that entire thought compartment. it's really easy getting distracted by the sound of the keyboard. sucks to be me being unwilling to write it in the journal for once. now i sound dumb // part of the holdup with saying anything i suppose. but esp. tch .you need the vernacular of shit.